


diving in

by cassandor



Series: beyond the beach [6]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Post-Canon, Relationship Discussions, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 16:33:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11339217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassandor/pseuds/cassandor
Summary: for @rebelcaptainprompts prompt 19: in another universeshe finally tells him.(potential tw in end notes)





	diving in

 

Their ship soars like a seabird over the ocean. Endor shrinks away to a pinprick of light as they launch into hyperspace. 

Jyn should be thankful for the alone time with Cassian. It’s just the two of them until they reach Nakadia where Leia awaits. With what, she doesn’t know, since the former Princess had only spoken to Cassian and even he had no idea. 

“I’m assuming she’s found something for us to do,” he had mused, eyebrows narrowed deep in thought. “It’s important enough that she needs to talk to us in person.” 

“Something for two rogue rebels in peacetime, huh?” Jyn had scoffed with a teasing grin.  

“I can’t imagine what she wants from us.” 

“Maybe she needs someone to keep an eye on Ben.” 

Cassian laughed and it rang across the cockpit, something genuine and free of the burden of war. Something light and airy in a way unlike anything Jyn had felt before. (But even that discovery was nothing new. After their reunion on Endor, they slowly had begun to discover what a life -  _their_  lives - without war might look like.)

“Two former soldiers and a baby. It sounds like the start to a joke.” 

A silence had fallen over the cockpit after that, punctuated only by the occasional whir of their ship as it sailed through hyperspace. Jyn managed to find herself curled up against Cassian in his seat, free of the teasing and knowing looks courtesy of the other rebels - and Ewoks - on Endor’s base. 

This fragile moment of peace is impossibly long, and Cassian even begins to idly run his hands through her hair. 

She looks up at him, a cheery rebuke on the tip of her tongue, but something about the angle or the lighting or the way he’s holding her or maybe it was the joke about babies and she’s suddenly back on Hoth, the universe spinning out from underneath her.

She stifles a gasp and presses her face into his chest instead. She can feel his grip falter at the feeling of her hands twisting into the fabric of his shirt, but he shows no visible sign of concern and continues to run his hand through her hair.

A pang of guilt burns her heart. 

He still doesn’t know. 

He should know.

She has to tell him.  _She_  has to tell him.

A new kind of stillness settles in her chest where guilt had left its mark. Unlike the peace that had enveloped her earlier, this was a troublesome sort of quiet. It was the kind of silence that came before the rainstorms on Lah’mu that threw the waves into a frenzy which threatened to swallow the shores whole. 

Cassian seems to sense the unrest forming in her heart and murmurs her name. A simple question that opens the door to something she didn’t want him to ever hear. 

“Cassian,” she says into his chest, lips dragging across the fabric of his shirt. “Do you remember what happened right before you left for your mission?”

Cassian’s hand stops moving, her hair still caught between his fingers. “Why?”

“Just answer me,” she says, voice muffled. “Do you remember?”

He shifts, pulling her closer and setting his chin on her head. “You fainted. They said you were okay, and the mission was an emergency, so I left.” An alarming realization dawns on him and he abruptly jerks away from her. “Nothing’s wrong now, right?” He slides his fingers under her chin and lifts her face up to meet his, wide eyes searching for any signs of discomfort. 

“N-no, I’m fine,” Jyn replies. She wraps her hand around his, squeezing it tightly as she lifts it away from her chin. Painfully aware of his still-concerned gaze, she offers him a thin smile. The gravity of what she’s about to tell him pulls down at her lips, and so her smile disappears as quickly as it came.

“Cassian,” she starts, and something about the way his name tumbles out squeezes the air out of his lungs. “I was… I was pregnant.” 

The deed done, she averts her eyes to avoid the aftermath. She chooses to press the side of her face into his chest instead, fixing her gaze on the bright lights of the ship’s controls and willing herself to see nothing else. 

Cassian is silent for a long time. His arms move when his lips don’t, one hand cupping the back of her head, the other wrapped firmly around her waist, somehow finding the strength to hold her. He eventually resumes stroking her hair, albeit much more slowly than before. 

The sound of his heartbeat is deafening. Jyn bites her tongue, wanting to give Cassian his time but also unable to sit and wait for a response.

Thankfully, he speaks up. 

“Was… was it your choice?” 

Cassian loosens his grip on her and she sits up, swinging her legs over the arms of the pilot’s seat.

“Of course.” His question prickles at her conscience and she brings herself to look at him. She catches a fleeting look of debilitating worry before it dissolves into a more neutral expression of the warm concern she’s used to. 

He licks his lips, worry still riddling the lines on his forehead, and guilt once again tugs at Jyn’s gut. 

“Would… would your decision have been the same if I had been there with you?” 

She has to take a moment before replying, to iron out any waver in her voice. “Yes.” He sighs in relief and she looks at him in surprise. “You aren’t angry with me?” 

“Why would I be angry with you? Your decision is always mine. And you did the right thing.” He gently smiles down at her.

Bodhi’s voice pops into her head.  _He’d be with you all the way._ The memory of his observation, regardless of the hesitation he had said it with, brings a touch of a smile to her lips.She relaxes and raises a hand to touch Cassian’s face, fingers tracing over the still-new scar starting on his jawline.

She’s once again surprised to see the pensive look on his face. It’s his turn to look away and he presses his face into Jyn’s palm. “Jyn… if… if it was now. Or a few years from now, you know, in peacetime… would you… would you have made the same decision?” 

Jyn bites her bottom lip. “I don’t think I’m up for that whole thing. Like, the pregnancy thing.”

“Ah.”

A thought crosses her mind and she grins widely, tossing her hands around the back of Cassian’s neck. He tilts his head curiously at her, failing to suppress a crinkly-eyed smile in response. “But… children?” she continues, anticipation and unblemished excitement fluttering in her heart. “Maybe,” she grins, “with some time to sort things out. After we’re done with whatever Leia wants us to do.”

“In a few years?”

“Yeah. In a few years.” 

**Author's Note:**

> The latter part of this series, and the conversation they have here, is about Jyn having an abortion - it's only vaguely mentioned. Just a heads up.


End file.
